Waking up and finding out that you have lost a relative just doesn't bear thinking about. It has happened to me before but when that relative is so young it really does make you think about your priorities and the things in life that you take for granted. Being 300 miles away from the rest of your family also adds to the helplessness you feel even if there is nothing you can do.
My cousin was 33 years old and passed away this morning. Although I haven't seen him for about 12 months, this news which made me feel numb has now hit me harder than a ton of bricks.
Not only has it upset me, it has made me realise how pathetic we can all be sometimes. The things we complain about, have a moan about or bitch about. In comparison to some things, these are tiny problems that don't even matter when you think about them.
A prime example of this is me getting annoyed because a night out had to be cancelled last week. I was so annoyed, I was swearing, shouting and just generally so angry that I couldn't go out. Looking back now I almost feel ashamed that I got myself into that state. It was only a night out. There are so many times that I have had a moan or complained about something that today seems just completely ridiculous.
My sister hit the nail on the head with her Facebook status today that my cousin and I have since copied. It read:
Life's so unfair. The smallest, most pathetic problems seem so big at the time, but when there's someones life either at risk, or lost, you soon realise how stupid you can be. X
Never has a status been more true to life. The thing is, we all seem to get too wrapped up with one problem and blow it all out of proportion. If I have learnt one thing today or if something has been reaffirmed in my mind it is that life is too short.
I am going out tonight, something I wasn't going to do after the news I had but my cousin liked a drink and so tonight is dedicated to him. And if I don't go out, I'll end up in on my own. I'm just trying to do all the crying now but can't promise that there won't be any tears tonight.
So cous, the drinks are on you tonight. RIP x
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