Life really is unfair

It's a new month and I have been greeted with yet more devastating news that has told me that March, like February is going to be a month I am no longer looking forward to.

It was almost a month ago that I found out my cousin had passed away and today the phone call came to let me know that one of my work mates had passed away this morning. I was expecting the news but not as soon as this and I knew that I was not expecting it because when the words "passed away this morning'" were uttered to me, no words came out of my mouth. No matter how many words there are in the English language, at that moment in time, I couldn't find a single one.

My colleague was not only a colleague, he was a friend and a real character. He made working enjoyable, mainly because we used to spend most of our time not doing what we were supposed to be and chatting. He had some stories. Not sure if all of them were true but all just as fascinating as the last.

The one thing I admired about this person was the way he never took any rubbish from anyone and told it how it was. Maybe I wanted to be more like that. He used to have a smile on his face and his cheeky personality and sense of humour was just so infectious, nobody in the store had a bad word to say about him. They might have said bad words with him because he did let the occasional swear word slip out.

Since the phone call I have been thinking about all of the good times we had at work, talking out the back when we should have been working, him flirting with the customers, including my cousin, auntie and sister. He knew how to wind me up but that was what we all loved about him.

The news of his death has not sunk in yet. I am going home on Friday, a trip that was already planned that may have to be extended slightly. What the news has done is it has brought back all of the memories from a few weeks ago when my cousin passed away. I have been thinking about him a lot recently as well. All I am thinking now is I hope they both meet up in heaven because something tells me they would get on very well.

"Life's so unfair..."

Waking up and finding out that you have lost a relative just doesn't bear thinking about. It has happened to me before but when that relative is so young it really does make you think about your priorities and the things in life that you take for granted. Being 300 miles away from the rest of your family also adds to the helplessness you feel even if there is nothing you can do.

My cousin was 33 years old and passed away this morning. Although I haven't seen him for about 12 months, this news which made me feel numb has now hit me harder than a ton of bricks.

Not only has it upset me, it has made me realise how pathetic we can all be sometimes. The things we complain about, have a moan about or bitch about. In comparison to some things, these are tiny problems that don't even matter when you think about them.

A prime example of this is me getting annoyed because a night out had to be cancelled last week. I was so annoyed, I was swearing, shouting and just generally so angry that I couldn't go out. Looking back now I almost feel ashamed that I got myself into that state. It was only a night out. There are so many times that I have had a moan or complained about something that today seems just completely ridiculous.

My sister hit the nail on the head with her Facebook status today that my cousin and I have since copied. It read:

Life's so unfair. The smallest, most pathetic problems seem so big at the time, but when there's someones life either at risk, or lost, you soon realise how stupid you can be. X

Never has a status been more true to life. The thing is, we all seem to get too wrapped up with one problem and blow it all out of proportion. If I have learnt one thing today or if something has been reaffirmed in my mind it is that life is too short.

I am going out tonight, something I wasn't going to do after the news I had but my cousin liked a drink and so tonight is dedicated to him. And if I don't go out, I'll end up in on my own. I'm just trying to do all the crying now but can't promise that there won't be any tears tonight.

So cous, the drinks are on you tonight. RIP x